The Honeymoon is Over: ManSpreading and Moonshine

22 Apr

There’s a test on Monday, which means, of course, that there’s a long post today. A friend reminded me that I never actually told the story of how my dear husband manspreaded his way through Montenegro, which is not actually that much of a story… but in the interest of not leaving my readers hanging (and of delaying studying just as long as humanly possible), I figured I’d wrap up this honeymoon run down.

At last update we were in Dubrovnik, Croatia enjoying the good life of dapper cats and pizza-only diets. We decided to take a day trip to Montenegro, and dutifully got up early to meet the bus. The next ~2 hous looked like this:

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Which is to say that MrKef spent the bus ride pleased as punch, talking about what a great ride this was… while my American-sized  self squeezed into the half of my already-too-small seat that he wasn’t occupying. For those not familiar with manspreading, a word from the Metropolitan Transit Authority:

When I suggested that he was taking up way more space than was allotted to him he simply got a wry smile and said, “What? I’m a big African man. I need to spread out.” This is when I wondered whether I could get an annulment in Montenegro.

I decided to take a little nap, and when I woke up, we were in Montenegro! Our day trip started with a tour of the Bay of Kotor, which was about as stunning as can be:IMG_4723

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We had a quick stop for lunch, where the sun was shining and the shitznel was huge.

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IMG_4689The server absolutely judged us when MrKef finished his plate, but no one gave one bit of mind to it–MrKef was in his happy place (and I was sitting safely ACROSS the bench from him, so I had all the space I wanted).

Next, we headed over to the Old City of Kotor. It was supercute and full of charm:

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There was the option to climb up two miles of stairs (no…really) in the 98 degree heat, but we opted against it. But if you’re headed there and want a preview, follow the stairs alllll the way up the mountain to the top fort in this picture below– definitely a hike meant for the early morning.

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Here we are, unhiked and unsweaty:IMG_4714

And, apparently, it was Shark Week in Kodor:

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After an hours-long wait at the border (and a harrowing drive down a very narrow one-way street that left MrKef in awe of European bus drivers), we were back. We made reservations at one of the nicer restaurants for our last night (which had a beautiful view and ambiance, but didn’t change anyone’s life), then headed back over to Buzzabar and — of course– Bodega to wind down the night.

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We were so sad to wake up and know it was the last morning– we had been having so much fun just hanging out, seeing the sights, and soaking up the sun. We decided to ferry over to Lokrum for our last day–it’s a teeny island ~500 meters from the Dubrovnik port, so we could spend most of the day on the island and still make our evening flight.

There’s a rumor that the island is haunted because some monks cursed it after being evicted by Italian royalty (#squadgoals). We didn’t see any ghosts, but we did see just about everything else– for being pretty small island, there’s an amazing amount of diversity: cliffs, botanical gardens, succulents, and tons of peacocks!

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Eventually, it was time to trek back up alllllllllllll of them stairs and make our way to the airport. Now, before I continue with this story I want to acknowledge one point: MrKef is an infinitely better human than I am, and he exercises more patience, temperance, and good naturedness in any given minute than I have in my whole life combined.

HOWEVER.

After a long, hot week of trekking up 379 stairs each way to and from our AirBnB, MrKef was DONE. He did NOT want to climb up every mountain, take a shower, and then get sweaty 2.5 seconds later in the clothes he was going to have to fly in. Having dated him for 5 years, I had barely even seen him peeved and suddenly, we were in Terrible Twos Tantrum mode. Thank god I had the good sense not to go TMZ on him and film the whole thing, as we might have had a very short marriage… but I did really think about it.

Our sweet AirBnB host must have known something was afoot, because once we got up there she rushed to get us a beverage. I, on the other hand, rushed to get into the shower first so MrKef could have a cool drink and a time out. Here’s me, in the makeshift bathroom our host graciously fashioned for us because the next guests had already arrived:

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Unbeknownst to me, our host was winning MrKef’s heart in the while I tried to find the modest way to shower outside. She brought over some water and a Sprite bottle. MrKef started drinking the water and was interrupted by our host, who picked up the Sprite bottle, poured a swig into his glass and said, “This is how men drink water.” Turns out, it was moonshine she had made herself!

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I, of course, came out of the shower and took a HUGE gulp of what I thought was water, and watched as MrKef giggled through my choking and spattering. That ish will put hair on your chest.

Two minibreakdowns later (one from MrKef about waiting for the bus and the other from me about paying an airport check-in fee), and we were up in the air. Bye bye, Dubrovnik!

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For the final stop of our honeymoon, we did a grand tour of our families in England. We left sunny, 75-degree Dubrovnik and landed in 45-degree Manchester (where all the freakish Brits exclaimed upon exiting the plane, “Thank god it’s cold again!”). But while the weather wasn’t ideal, the company was– MrKef’s Aunt and Uncle took us right to the center of all things wonderful: an all you can eat Indian buffet.

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MrKef and his uncle stayed up all night drinking whiskey, and I went directly to bed after all those samosas. The next morning I woke up early to get in a great run on the Leeds-Liverpool Canal, which is even cuter than this picture would suggest:

We did some social sightseeing, and even got to see the famous cliffs!

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Of course, we made great use of the selfie stick:

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Even though it was a way, way , way too-short visit, it was great to finally meet MrKef’s favorite uncle and his family. We can’t wait to get back soon!

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Next, a bus trip to London to spend time with my brilliant cousin and HER family, which sadly I have no pictures of because we came very late and left awfully early… but know I am related to Britain’s most beautiful baby.

…and then, it was really over. We had to head back to reality. But not before I finally convinced MrKef to take a duck-face selfie… or maybe that’s just our “so sad it’s over” face–I can’t quite now recall.

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A final note–  can I say for the record that I think I looked kind of cute in my traveling clothes for once? I had to complete my selfie education and take a bathroom shot.

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And that, my friends, finally brings the Ndjatou World Tour blogging series to a close. We LOVED Dubrovnik and would pick it again for our honeymoon spot in a heartbeat!

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