Catching Up Kefi: My Little Sister Got Married!

4 Sep

If you go back the last few entries, most of them have started out with apologies and explanations about my absence and promises to do better. We’re gonna skip that today and just get right down to it: BabyKef’s wedding. On a scale of one to late, this post ranks pretty high– it was almost three months ago! Alas, better late than never, right? #ThingsChronicallyLatePeopleTellThemselves


Okay, so here’s the thing about your girl BabyKef: she ain’t in to all the detailed decision making, and she IS really into a party. When figuring out what to do for her nuptials, they did some looking and didn’t see anything that wow-ed them. Then one day she called us all and said she was getting married on a cruise ship. And we all said, “Of COURSE you are.”

The night before the wedding, BabyKef was in great spirits. So great, she entertained us all by chugging champagne straight from the bottle and displaying her signature dance moves.

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Photo blurry because can’t nobody hold BabyKef down!

The next day, there was mass pandemonium getting everyone on to the ship. On my death bed, I will regret not getting video evidence of MamaKef absolutely losing ALL her ish while charging up the gangway over whether we all had our passports. Priceless. Anyway, after a really beautiful ceremony with some of the sweetest vows I can remember, we had a new married couple in the family!

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MamKef, of course, was a major babe and absolutely killed it in her rouched gown (which she got for 90% off MSRP, thank her very much). She’s pictured here with some family favorites, my aunt and cousin!

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But the party didn’t end in the ship’s Discotheque my friend (and yes–Carnival insists on using the Euro spelling of “club”). A large portion of the FamiliaKef set sail  to keep on celebrating BabyKef’s Big Day. What happens when MamaKef, HomeBrewKef, ChefKef, CafeKef, and ChampagneOnlyKef hold court for seven days with a hodgepodge of hilarious new-to-us friends? Hijinks on the high seas. That’s what.

So here’s how it went: MamaKef and HomeBrewKef would get up early, claim some spots in the kidfree area of the pool, and we’d all sunbathe, nap, read, and eat (not necessarily in descending proportion). Then we’d break for gym/nap, and between 630-7, this was the scene:

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My parents had scoped out these chairs within about 15 minutes of being on the ship and decided that this would be their happy place. Luckily for us, it was right next to the surprisingly-sophisticated Alchemy Bar, Carnival’s own mixology station. We had two FANTASTIC women to hang with: Michelle and Tetyana:

photo 4 (1) photo 3 (2)

Just tell these two what flavors you like, and a custom cocktail will appear before your very eyes… and if the basil is misbehaving, Tetyana will spank it for you! Should you ever be on a Carnival cruise, and should you ever encounter these two, ask for the MAN-P (Michelle’s Awesome Nep Pineapple), the Remedy, or a Cucumber Thing Without Sugar (my favorite).

After drinks, it was dinner time. God bless Carnival– they tried. But gluten-free and sugar-free didn’t quite make sense on a cruise ship that serves pizza, ice cream, and burgers 24/7. Here are some of the hilarious iterations of ingredients that showed up at my seat:

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Broccoli a la (sugar free) mode. Have you ever seen such a beautiful sight?

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GF/SF apple pie… the cornflakes being the “crust.” I wasn’t quite sure what to make of this, but dutifully ate it because they really did try.

While the attempts at de-glutizing the table did take up a large portion of discussion, we should not stray too far from the drinks. As you may/may not know, ChefKef does not really drink all that much these days–the weekends are for training rides/runs, not tending to hangovers. Something came over me on the Wednesday of the cruise, and I declared that night to be “Drunk Dinner.” Happily, the table obliged:

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Then, BabyKef dropped by, reminded HomeBrewKef of one of MamaKef’s favorite sayings about anti-acids, and he absolutely lost it:

photo 5 (1) photo 1 (3)

By this time, I was “feeling no pain” as MamaKef would say. And since my dad was laughing, I figured it was time to make some trouble. I broke away from the group and secretly called BabyKef’s sleeping husband. When he answered, I whispered creepily, “David, we need you” and collapsed into hysterics. BabyKef found him later, sprawled across the bed fast asleep, with his hand still on the phone receiver.

We, on the other hand, headed over the The Quest. If you’re ever on a Carnival Cruise, plan your whole week around this–and you should most DEFINITELY attend it drunk and sans people you can’t share secrets with. I am not going to spoil it, but I will share that, at one point, we got here:

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We’ll keep the picture small and blurry to protect the guilty.

Despite the previous few paragraphs, we did also spend some quality time together engaged in activities other than eating a drinking. As we were celebrating BabyKef and all, we did lots of dancing, some of it with the 87-year old at the next table:
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But even HomebrewKef caught the carefree wave and participated in a Latin dance class!photo 2 (3)

There was a very strange trip to the cruiseline’s private island, where we unintentionally recreated a scene out of Good Guys :

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and I realized there is, in  fact, a limit to what I’ll do for champagne:

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And of course, there were all kinds of photos:

Some of the selfie variety…
photo 2 (2)MamaKef refused to pass up the chance to get her daughters in an absurd “glamour” shot:

And, of course, we had to act a fool:


And that was that! It was a beautiful wedding that led to a week of great times with the family and some new friends– Congrats, BabyKef!

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