Back in the days when JetSet and I were young coeds, he had done something to annoy his roommates that I can’t now recall (though something along the lines of having done “too much Arabic homework” comes to mind–we were a particularly mal-adjusted group back then). One night when JetSet was off doing something productive while the rest of us just hung out, one of his roommates had had enough and wasn’t going to take it anymore, so he rushed to the kitchen, climbed up to the top cabinet and reached deep into the back-most corner, muttering something about how he was going to “really show [JetSet] this time.” Turns out, my dear brother had been secretly hording jars of nutella back there and eating them when he thought no one would know about it because, as he told us later, “nutella is just too good to share.” The roommate raised it up a la “The Circle of Life” and then discus-threw it off the fourth-story roof deck we were on. A moment of stunned silence came over us: did he really just mess with another man’s nutella?
Why do I share this strange story of totally unfounded angst and really sad nutella waste? Just to say that the Kefs have a long-standing love affair with nutella, so when I say that this sugar-free, dairy-free, vegan version of nutella is the business, I mean it. And also- how awesome does it make JetSet that when someone wanted to exact revenge on him they went straight for his hazelnut heart? That’s about as strong a character reference as I can imagine.
One last plea before we get to the recipe: people seem to be calling these paleo-ish versions of nutella one of two things: notella or not-ella. Neither of these are particularly attractive or punny to me–can I make a vote for Filbertella? Hazelnuts are also called filberts (you can read the interesting provenance guesses here) and I just don’t think there’s a filbert on the planet who gets his rightful due. So now…without further ado… I present to you: FILBERTELLA!
Filbertella (or: SugarFree, Vegan, Paleo Nutella)
- 1 c blanched hazelnuts
- 1/2 c coconut milk
- 1/4 c maple syrup
- 1/4 c unsweetened cocoa powder
- 1/4 tsp vanilla extract
- 2 TBS coconut oil
- pinch of sea salt
1. Blache and shell your hazelnuts–here is an easy (but not super quick) method.
2. Put hazelnuts in food processor and blend until smooth (this took about 4 minutes for my machine).
3. Add remaining ingredients and blend until smooth.
4. Store in fridge. Filbertella will thicken in cold– you can microwave for about 15 seconds to thin out before serving.